Oh god, i'm never drinking again.
After a vodka and cranberry goon sack and god knows what else, I can hardly remember anything and I spent most of the night vomiting when I got home. (I couldn't even stay at the party till 12 because I was too drunk hahah, hopeless)
I also skated while drunk and fucked myself over.
Interesting start to the year!

New years!

Time to reflect on the past year.

This year has been pretty bad, but I think the events have changed me a lot and now I'm a far more independent person and I know myself a little more.
-I finished a portfolio and discovered that I'm actually alright at art
-I flew internationally by myself
-My parents split up
-I left Unlimited
-My first love like and I broke up
-I'm getting over my fear of vomiting a bit more, gradually
-I've met some wonderful people! and become closer to many
-Got three new piercings and a tattoo
-Discovered my love for food and gained 6kg
-Mum moved

Now that I think about it, not a lot has happened ahah. The events are just pretty major I guess. All round, I wouldn't change a thing.

Happy new year! To all the people who don't read this.

help

My dad left oil cooking on high on the stove, I walked into the kitchen and saw it smoking but I just went back to my room and left it so he learns not to be a fucking idiot. Now my house is full of smoke and my kitchen nearly caught on fire.

Hahaha probably the most psychopathic thing i've ever done.

†

Oh fucking christ, why do I let myself get like this.
I can trick my brain like nothing else I swear.

†

I can't write anything without looking back on it 3 months later and thinking "wtf"

†

“Criticism is a misconception: we must read not to understand others but to understand ourselves.”

- Emile Cioran

†

I'll just catch up myself with where i'm at -ha

Simon and you lasted 10 months, he's a cunt. Don't talk to him or tell him you love him when you're drunk.

Your mum lives in Darwin

You don't like your dad

You're meant to be painting because your portfolio's due in tomorrow

You're a bit of a dickhead

Good luck

†

I really want to write, I mean why not? I’ve tried a few other ways of expressing myself but writing really isn’t one of my strengths.

“I don’t know” is a common answer for me these days, but I need to know. If I don’t, how do I expect anyone else to understand me, want to be around me or have anything to do with me. I really need to understand myself is what i’m saying. My moods are not secure, they’re flimsy, fragile as mosts are. But -writers block- mine, can change so easily, I blame my moods for my lack of friends, I really do, I mean why would you want to be around someone who you’re not sure with tell you to fuck off, laugh with you or just ignore you?

I’m generally a happy person, I can get pretty down and i’ve thought I was depressed for a couple of years back, but I don’t feel like that anymore. I don’t cut anymore. And I feel normal. I feel good. I know there’s a purpose in life and it’s to just. be. and hopefully to enjoy it in the process.

My parents. Ohh my parents, well. For the past 3 years or more my mum’s basically hated my father, and I really don’t blame her. After the earthquake, with the stress and my father being retired, my mother’s moved to a different country. Just like that, had a weeks notice and she was gone, 13 hours away from me. She can’t just do that, i’m going insane here, I really am. I don’t want to go into that.

†

"It all seems pointless in light of the fact that we’re all going to die eventually. Why do anything - why wash my hair, why spend time trying to get into the right schools, why dance to the music when all of us are just slouching toward the same inevitable conclusion?"

-Prozac Nation

†

My emotional attachment to everyone is slipping, I just feel so down but I have no reason. And I can't remember what you're like, all I think is that you're self centered and that you don't give a fuck about me.
I can't take this.

†

I hate attention seekers, liars, people who act immature, loud people, ungrateful people, selfish people, vain ugly people, modest pretty people, stupid people, people who think they're above everyone and tryhards. Awh, I think I just described at least one characteristic of everyone, including myself.
:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

†

-Went through my old blog and found some posts funny, me reflecting.

"I'm going to do what I HATE, ranting about how "shit" something is, sorry. K, so I don't remember much about last night, but I looked over to my right and saw the guy i'm "in love" with and whose apparently in love with me too"
when I was NOT in love with Dejay but I saw him making out with Mia at chartfest and my heart broke into a million pieces, boo hoo 0 s0 sad

"I hate attention seeking faggots,wake up your life's not that bad, get the fuck over it. I found out something that's changed my views on so many things, like what is wrong with this fucking shit hole of a place"
I still think this, but the thing I found out was a lie so whatever

""ahh, i've missed your lips" Oh boy, you have no idea (;"
Text after I kissed Dejay. blah.

""I wanted to try steal you and bring you back here and make a fort and tell stories and we could of drunk tea and watched movies!" Awwwwwwh, you're so cute! n___n "
Hahahaha hipster creep (River)

"I don't know what i'm doing."
Hasn't changed..

"fuck you, man. I don't need you, i hate you. you kill me. die. i feel like shit ahhhhvghvhuvcgcgb"
oh nooooz, Dejay broke my heart again!

"Clara: I love you. You: You don't, Clara. Me: Do, sh. You: No, ah :( You: Kiss me You: Kiss me You: Kiss me You: Kiss me You: Kiss me You: Kiss me Clara: blahwgtyuewijs you're amazing (L) You: You're the cutest person I know, promise"
Whenever I told Dejay I loved him I knew I didn't mean it, so silly.


From 11 months ago^^

"K, I like you a lot still even though I really fucking don't want to, I can't get over you. I think you're a total cunt, there's just NO ONE else that I can move on to. I miss you, so much, you have no idea"
About Dejay again, surprise


"Happy happy happy happy weekend with Zoe, Christie and Mitchell. Went to a cool gig, went and had fish and chips at Mitchell's later with Christie. A sweet girl kissed me on the cheek"
Hahah yeah ok that was an awesome weekend.


"You: You have the worst taste in guys Me: Why? You: You always pick people who will fuck you up."
:( silly

"People don't like me, I wish they would tell me why so I could change :/ oh yeah and I'm not going to make annoying blogs anymore, sorry If I ever MADE you read them Jaxon."
Maybe because you were an attention seeking ass..

"New years was real cool, a good sober night hah. Table hahah dick. Then I went to Cheviot with Zoe I spent 6 days with her"
was aight

"Broke my promise, hahah sorry. The last part was a lie. But not really because you said "NEXT YEAR stay the same"."

Smoked sum weed, broke joe's promise.

"Watching the sky in a 2D fish eye lense at 2:22am. In the rain."
first time I smoked w33d br0

"You're missing some of your alphabet."
Hahah when I was going on about Dejay hating me or something Rhys said this, thought it was pretty clever (DJ)

"If I never met you, I wouldn’t like you. If I didn’t like you, I wouldn’t love you. If I didn’t love you, I wouldn’t miss you. But I did, I do, and I will."
About deeeejay again, so stupid. fuck up.


"...If you can finish the title then you're awesome (y) Had a wicked weekend n_n On friday night, I snuck out with Jaxon and Jonnie, got drunk in a church car park. Saturday! Went to town then Lex's.
can't believe I was that fucking lame, the title was BMTH lyrics hahah. and "drunk" was one diesel hahah loser.

"Ahh, I need to stop eating as much, i'm just going to get fatter and fatter D; You just watch... -.- "
Watching..

"Pretty amazing, it's only saturday night too! last night I went to Zebedees with was freakin awesome, boring at times though. We The Night Sky played! yusss...they were perfect, they won. I was in the mosh pit and..."
When I was a *hip* 12 year old

†

This is what i’m thinking right now and it always changes so in half an hour i’ll probably feel differently haha.

I feel like you don’t want to see me or even talk to me any more let alone actually try making an effort to make me feel good or anything, I try for you but it just gets passed of by a “yeah” or something. I don’t know what i’ve done? Or if i’ve even done anything it’s probably just my brain whirling and I hope you don’t read this. Have you just lost interest and want to move on? are you sick of me? do you want someone else? Do you need me, pretty sure you don’t at all. But I need you and it’s so frustrating that you could so easily leave me and just not care and i’d be left with no one. I don’t know what the point of this is, just a stupid ramble to stop me saying this stuff to you, so I don’t fuck up stuff even more.

And why I started crying in the park was because I couldn’t think of anything positive about life, not just MY life I mean I have a good life, but just life in general Apart of me hates you all and I really wouldn’t care if I disappeared, it’s all so pointless. This. Is. Pointless.