^_^

I like the way you kiss me everywhere. I like it when you know I'm awake so you kiss my shoulder and neck until I turn to you and see your smiley face. I like the way you lick my face to make me laugh. I like the way you try distract me when I'm on the phone. I like the way you look at me. I like the way your hand fits across my stomach. I like the way you run your hands along my ribs and tell me that I'm tiny. I like the way you roll your eyes when I say something stupid. I like how we get on so well. I like how smart you are. I like how you're so big and how you can just throw me around. I like it when I hug you and just get lost in your chest and arms afgyuwjedfhdgyawsjk. I like the way you run your hands along my thighs, stomach and chest. I like it when I get too tired you just kiss my neck and whisper in my ear. I like going for midnight skates with you. I love your bright blue eyes. I like the way your stubble tickles my thighs. I like how we can't spoon because you're too tall but we still fit together nicely. I like how genuine and kind you are. I like how secretly you're just a big sweetheart. I like you. I don't plan on ever telling you any of this though, I'm scared of what you'd have to say. but argeudjrfthedu please be mine.

Everything sucks

Everything sucks & it's cold

tea and jesus

Ok so mum's being a dumb slut, I'm in chch and I like living here with my dad, I just need a job and to get into a school but that's okay. we just make cups of tea for each other and have debates about jesus.

Ok so..

I'm just going to put my brain on this page so I can kinda get a picture of these scrambled thoughts. Ok! So I don't know whether to stay in Darwin or move back to Christchurch, if I stay here I'm going to continue schoo and my job. maybe try my luck at modelling (I doubt anyone would want me, especially with my weight and height but maybe my hair will get me some work haha) and being an odd extra in a movie every known and then but ultimately go to uni and study fine arts. (along with this, miss everyone and be sad) or in Christchurch, I'll hopefully go to Hagley, get a job, move into my sleep out and avoid contact with my dad as much as possible... Maybe try getting a tattoo apprenticeship? And after school, study fine arts at uni. (maybe not do as well but be with everyone and be happy) Can I just say that I love my mum to bits, last night we went and camped out, watched the stars, smoked and drank vodka. But I just don't feel at home here in Darwin. I have a finalised design I think for the tattoo I want when I go back to NZ in July! Super excited, I have lots of other tattoo ideas too but they can wait. What do I do?

Everyone keeps asking me if I'm okay and I thought i was okay, I don't know how people could see my saddness before I felt it, I'm numb and so confused. im not fine. I'm not okay. Please help me, just finally cracking. splitting down the middle again, fuck you for making me choose between one shut hole and the next.

a ghostpit is where I put my negative thoughts and ideas, Vince The Skeleton is the keeper of my ghost pit.

:(

mum's left me again, I want to go home.