:(

mum's left me again, I want to go home.

:(

oh god, I don't know what to write, I'm so confused.
Ok, so mum has this boyfriend who i'm yet to meet and he just got back from a trip and they haven't seen each other in ages, and she's talking on the phone to him so I was like GO OVER THERE and she was like blah blah, can I? to Bruce etc, she gets off the phone and asks me to make sure that's okay and stuff (I didn't realise she meant for the night, I thought she meant just go over there for a bit) so I was like oh yeah! ...wait, I didn't really move countries to have to leave me. (I've never stayed anywhere completely alone before, I get really bad anxiety and I know no one in this city) she tells him on the phone blah blah, I feel really bad already because I'm ruining seeing her boyfriend, then she comes out of her room crying because they ended it, he doesn't want to come between my mum and I but then mum starts being real weird when i'm like just go! I'll be okay, saying stuff like "I'm a person too ya know, I have feelings. I thought you were more mature than this, apparently not." but i'm just like mum, please just go. But she keeps saying stuff like "you've changed, I don't even know you anymore" and i'm just crying being so confused, like where the fuck has this come from? then she tells me that me crying is just pathetic and goes on, "I was so stupid to think I could of ever had a relationship" she kept contradicting herself by being like "I thought you were starting to act your age" then being like "you're only 15" and then being like "It isn't your fault" but then implying that it is all my fault and saying stuff like "I had never been that happy!" and i'm just like ?!?! and she was so angry at me and I just don't know what i'm feeling. In the end I pretty much forced her to go to his house and make everything okay because she'll never think of me the same. I'm so alone here and I just want to go home. I'm now sitting in the dark by myself in a hotel feeling the most upset i've ever felt and I just want my home.

:/

I'm full on freaking out, I don't know if I can do this. I just want there to be someone other than my mum who will be there with me, I'm going to be so alone for ages, I hate missing people and I miss everyone already :( Darwin is so far away, oh god. And starting a new school, can I do this? I don't know :( I can't stay here though. I'm just thinking, I go there for two years, work really hard at school, come back here every six months or so, after the two years move to Wellington and work for a year then go to uni and study fine arts. But I'm so scared of everything, can someone just hold me.

>:(

Grr, mum posting pictures of her smoking on facebook, I really don't want to be around her if she's started smoking again. I hate her when she's drunk, I hate how she's up most the night and I really don't like her boyfriend AGHVFDTYSH I hope I don't regret moving. 10 days to go.

:(

Whenever I get in the shit I delete like everything (tumblr, formspring etc.) SO MAD

:(

Last night my (best) friend (Zoe) had like 10 gunnies in the space of an hour and one didn't even have water it in, fuck that. Anyway, poor girl was not in a good way and I was at a party with all these sexy boys but I had to go off and sit with her on the street, she was really down and she told me she's going to miss me heaps and, "you always hear about other peoples best friends moving away, but I never thought mine would" and she held my hand and told me she loved me, awwh :( if I EVER do anything to Zoe that's slightly emotional, say if I was like "awwh Zoe, you're the best" she'd be like ew..you dyke, stop talking, so this was so weird. Zoe never expresses sadness, she hardly ever is, she's so chill and nothing really bothers her. I'm going to miss Zoe so much :( I didn't think she really cared but now I know that she does, it's going to be so hard leaving her. We've grown up together and we've been through everything :(

:(

I just want to be attractive, HOW DOES ONE BE ATTRACTIVE. I look at other girls and they're skinny, tan and have straight hair, I am none of those and argh :( I just want a boyfriend waaaah, girl problems~~~