Rambles to relieve my mind
Saturday, February 11, 2012
Saturday, February 4, 2012
:(
oh god, I don't know what to write, I'm so confused.
Ok, so mum has this boyfriend who i'm yet to meet and he just got back from a trip and they haven't seen each other in ages, and she's talking on the phone to him so I was like GO OVER THERE and she was like blah blah, can I? to Bruce etc, she gets off the phone and asks me to make sure that's okay and stuff (I didn't realise she meant for the night, I thought she meant just go over there for a bit) so I was like oh yeah! ...wait, I didn't really move countries to have to leave me. (I've never stayed anywhere completely alone before, I get really bad anxiety and I know no one in this city) she tells him on the phone blah blah, I feel really bad already because I'm ruining seeing her boyfriend, then she comes out of her room crying because they ended it, he doesn't want to come between my mum and I but then mum starts being real weird when i'm like just go! I'll be okay, saying stuff like "I'm a person too ya know, I have feelings. I thought you were more mature than this, apparently not." but i'm just like mum, please just go. But she keeps saying stuff like "you've changed, I don't even know you anymore" and i'm just crying being so confused, like where the fuck has this come from? then she tells me that me crying is just pathetic and goes on, "I was so stupid to think I could of ever had a relationship" she kept contradicting herself by being like "I thought you were starting to act your age" then being like "you're only 15" and then being like "It isn't your fault" but then implying that it is all my fault and saying stuff like "I had never been that happy!" and i'm just like ?!?! and she was so angry at me and I just don't know what i'm feeling. In the end I pretty much forced her to go to his house and make everything okay because she'll never think of me the same. I'm so alone here and I just want to go home. I'm now sitting in the dark by myself in a hotel feeling the most upset i've ever felt and I just want my home.
Ok, so mum has this boyfriend who i'm yet to meet and he just got back from a trip and they haven't seen each other in ages, and she's talking on the phone to him so I was like GO OVER THERE and she was like blah blah, can I? to Bruce etc, she gets off the phone and asks me to make sure that's okay and stuff (I didn't realise she meant for the night, I thought she meant just go over there for a bit) so I was like oh yeah! ...wait, I didn't really move countries to have to leave me. (I've never stayed anywhere completely alone before, I get really bad anxiety and I know no one in this city) she tells him on the phone blah blah, I feel really bad already because I'm ruining seeing her boyfriend, then she comes out of her room crying because they ended it, he doesn't want to come between my mum and I but then mum starts being real weird when i'm like just go! I'll be okay, saying stuff like "I'm a person too ya know, I have feelings. I thought you were more mature than this, apparently not." but i'm just like mum, please just go. But she keeps saying stuff like "you've changed, I don't even know you anymore" and i'm just crying being so confused, like where the fuck has this come from? then she tells me that me crying is just pathetic and goes on, "I was so stupid to think I could of ever had a relationship" she kept contradicting herself by being like "I thought you were starting to act your age" then being like "you're only 15" and then being like "It isn't your fault" but then implying that it is all my fault and saying stuff like "I had never been that happy!" and i'm just like ?!?! and she was so angry at me and I just don't know what i'm feeling. In the end I pretty much forced her to go to his house and make everything okay because she'll never think of me the same. I'm so alone here and I just want to go home. I'm now sitting in the dark by myself in a hotel feeling the most upset i've ever felt and I just want my home.
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