:/

I'm full on freaking out, I don't know if I can do this. I just want there to be someone other than my mum who will be there with me, I'm going to be so alone for ages, I hate missing people and I miss everyone already :( Darwin is so far away, oh god. And starting a new school, can I do this? I don't know :( I can't stay here though. I'm just thinking, I go there for two years, work really hard at school, come back here every six months or so, after the two years move to Wellington and work for a year then go to uni and study fine arts. But I'm so scared of everything, can someone just hold me.

>:(

Grr, mum posting pictures of her smoking on facebook, I really don't want to be around her if she's started smoking again. I hate her when she's drunk, I hate how she's up most the night and I really don't like her boyfriend AGHVFDTYSH I hope I don't regret moving. 10 days to go.

:(

Whenever I get in the shit I delete like everything (tumblr, formspring etc.) SO MAD

:(

Last night my (best) friend (Zoe) had like 10 gunnies in the space of an hour and one didn't even have water it in, fuck that. Anyway, poor girl was not in a good way and I was at a party with all these sexy boys but I had to go off and sit with her on the street, she was really down and she told me she's going to miss me heaps and, "you always hear about other peoples best friends moving away, but I never thought mine would" and she held my hand and told me she loved me, awwh :( if I EVER do anything to Zoe that's slightly emotional, say if I was like "awwh Zoe, you're the best" she'd be like ew..you dyke, stop talking, so this was so weird. Zoe never expresses sadness, she hardly ever is, she's so chill and nothing really bothers her. I'm going to miss Zoe so much :( I didn't think she really cared but now I know that she does, it's going to be so hard leaving her. We've grown up together and we've been through everything :(

:(

I just want to be attractive, HOW DOES ONE BE ATTRACTIVE. I look at other girls and they're skinny, tan and have straight hair, I am none of those and argh :( I just want a boyfriend waaaah, girl problems~~~

:)

Everything's working out pretty good, I'm so sick of my brother and my dad, this sounds horrible but I don't mind leaving them (which is good, it's better than me not wanting to go) i'm fucking so sick of everyone in my friend group too (except, Kimmi, Penny, Nico and Danster of course) and don't even get me started on Christchurch. I'm sooooo ready to start a new life :) wooooop

Mother Nature's quite a Lady
But you're the one I need
Flesh And Blood need Flesh And Blood
And you're the one I need.

-Over everything in my last post-
When I get to Darwin I'm going to apply for heapsa jobs, hopefully get into a school haha, learn to drive and err' day when my mum goes to work (6am) go for a jog! and keep up being vegan.
Excited :) Mum said I can come back like every school holidays, but to be honest I don't think I'd want to. (26 hours of travelling just for a few days and to come back to shitty Christchurch, nty. I think I'm going to meet my dad in the sunshine coast etc every known and then) SO EXCITED.

Ahh everything just fucked up. I don't want to go to Darwin, my mum's changed so much and I feel so fucking destroyed and like no one wants me.

My room

Buddha

Dream catcher

Tibetan prayer flags

Bed

Candles

Penny

This photo is so faded, but it's of Zoe and I at a teddy bear picnic when we were about 10.

:(

I feel so used.

argh

I can't be around people any more, I never feel like talking. I could go be around annoying drunk people tonight and probably regret it, but I just want to cuddle someone and forget about everything.
I hope this sadness is just me still recovering from the other night.